WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[Phoebe]

Ugh. Waywards... It's like a group of aliens has come to Earth and taken over the bodies of our spouses. They look the same, but who ARE they? I keep hoping that the real H will pop up again, but, alas, no sign that he's survived the invasion.

I'm sorry that sleep remains so elusive, SadHub, and it seems, at least for myself, that the more important I believe it is that I get to sleep, the less likely I am to be able to do so. Maybe it's time to embrace the extra hours that you have every day, or some similar 180°-type thought process, kind of like deciding to allow yourself to feel the pain, or embracing the LBS diet-induced weight loss. It sounds counterintuitive, but maybe it can take some of the pressure off. Just get up and read a book or something for a little while, then try going to bed again later.

Know that sleep will come to you eventually, SadHub. I am doing a bit better in that department these days, but I am almost 2 months ahead of you in this process. (My H walked in the December) It svcks, but I really think that you will find that it does get better. I know that's no consolation right now as you lie awake. I'm just asking you to hang in there a while longer.

I've struggled with insomnia in my past, even before the LBS turmoil. On a normal day if I can't sleep, it comes down to three things being amiss: I'm in discomfort/pain, I'm too hot, or I can't shut down my brain.

So, if I can't sleep on a normal night, I know I need to take ibuprofen and cool the place down first and foremost. I turn the thermostat down or open a window. Iuse a fan for air flow and that has the added benefit of adding in some white noise. I've never found that laying there is frustration is of any benefit, so getting up and doing something else for a little while can help, too.

As for myself, the monkey brain effect (mind vortex, whatever you prefer to call it) responded to mindfulness training, but that is something to work on over time, not to expect right now.

If all those conditions have already been met as well as I can (pain treated, room cool and air moving, mind as quiet as I can get it) and I still can't sleep, then I head for the medicine cabinet.

My pharma helper is an antihistamine. OTC benadryl usually helps me. It's not satisfying sleep, by any means because you do not feel particularly rested, but it is sleep. The usual adult dose generally works, but I go 25 mg higher if I am super restless. I'm not telling you to do that, mind you, because I'm not a doctor. It's just what I do. I'll be taking it tonight.

Ralph88, your wife's "if we ever get back together" statements must be so hard to hear. My H made similar statements, or at least he did before I found out about his affair, and they gave me such a feeling of confused hope and despair, like he was dangling a carrot that might, or might not, ever come within reach. Awful.