Be patient. Give it time. Keep doing what you're doing! Don't stop!
I agree with all that's been posted above. Don't worry, nothing's "wrong". He's just getting used to the new climate, that's all. I absolutely agree he's wondering WTF, and wondering if it's a temporary change or if it'll last. I guarantee he doesn't DARE hope too much. He's afraid if he does ANYTHING different he'll jinx it. OTOH, he may also REALLY want to slow down, but AGAIN, he's afraid to jinx it. I think DIALOG is what's needed - you both need to be honest with each other. I'm sure your R can stand it - especially right now, with all the good vibes from all the sex... (WOW, I'm jealous!)
Chill, be cool, enjoy each other... don't worry too much!
Any facts about how men handle increasing frequency?
Can I look at this as I'm getting more out of it as we increase the frequency, and he's getting less, or becomming less impressed with the frequency? I already notice it takes him longer... a lot longer to orgasm...
That's great for me... but does that mean he's not getting the same arousal if we ML every couple of days???
I've never seen my H have trouble with the 'closing arguement', but I was a bit worried he was going to! I don't think I've ever had an orgasm before him before!
I did ask him on the weekend how often he would like to ML, and I think he was scared/embarassed to say!!! He said "Twice a week would be great..." What?!?! Here's the guy who's last words before we fall asleep are "Wake me if you can't sleep"! Does anyone believe he is only looking for 2x per week? Is he just being cautious, not wanting to scare me? Or, has his desire gone down? He is a very healthy 40yr old! I really expected more! I have started thinking about ML a lot more... could he be getting to the saturation point?!?! I'm not complaining, but I'm surprised!
I will be continuing to initiate ML as often as possible, and at least 2x/week, so that he will start to feel 'safe' again. I just wish he would try once... I am ready, willing and able, and would love to prove it to him!
Who would have thought our positions would have changed???
I think he was being cautious. He still is probably not sure what to think yet. With the whole idea that it takes longer that will happen. I mean when you are only use to once every couple of weeks it can be pretty quick. When it is on a regular basis it can take longer just becuase there isn't that hightened sense of needing it.
Quote: Any facts about how men handle increasing frequency?
I already notice it takes him longer... a lot longer to orgasm...
I can't speak for all guys, but frequency increases staying power in most men. It typically takes longer for a woman than a man to have the Big O, depending on the people, obviously.
I was never like the typical guy...I very much wanted to hold out until I knew my W was satisfied. ML several times in a row usually allowed me to go longer and longer. I thought this was a good thing, actually. So unless he never seems to be able to close the deal or there is some pain on your end, I wouldn't worry about it.
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I did ask him on the weekend how often he would like to ML, and I think he was scared/embarassed to say!!! He said "Twice a week would be great..." What?!?!
You're right, this probably caught him off guard. When my HD (now LD) W asked me LD (now HD) the same kind of question I was trying to figure out what she wanted to hear, not what I really wanted. As it turns out we probably wanted the exact same frequency.
In your case, I would just keep on keepin' on with your initiating sex. He "says" twice and you might want it four times so go for three. You can't make it planned, you just have to stike when your irons are hot and if he's a smart man he'll come around. Just don't overcommit!!! If you over do it and cut back eventually he might thinks something's up.
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I will be continuing to initiate ML as often as possible, and at least 2x/week, so that he will start to feel 'safe' again. I just wish he would try once... I am ready, willing and able, and would love to prove it to him!
Great attitude!!! If you keep up your PMA and PSA then it'll be contagious. I cannot express how important it is to express your wants in a very positive way. For men, or at least me, it's all in the approach.
"I wish you would initiate sex more with me." BAD "I want to have sex more." GOOD "I like the way you touch me." BETTER "I love the way you feel inside of me." BEST
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
Frequency definitely increases male stamina. I remember when I was dating this girl (between marriages) and she loved it all the time. Once we made love for 45 minutes before I "closed the deal." In the past couple years, however, it's been more like 45 seconds.
ANyhooo... keep on with what you feel comfortable with. He may be feeling a bit overwhelmed, but he's crazy if he's not lovin' every minute of it.
Hairdog, who wants to see his wife in her birthday thong.
Jen, This happened to me and my H when our situation first started to turn around. He (formerly LD) was all over me and I was very...reluctant for some reason..? I even questioned myself and thought, Am I really as horny as I thought? Turns out that this was an adjustment period for me. It lasted about a month and then I was back to normal. It was all those things that others mentioned--I was scared to trust his changes, needed some time to process it, and quite frankly, I was just battle weary. I had been fighting this battle for the better part of our marriage. It was a constant presence in our lives. When it was gone, I was a bit lost and unsure of my new "role".
My sex drive temporarily disappeared and it confused me as much as him. Now, I still never turned him DOWN but I wasn't as enthusiastic as before. I wasn't as focused on the "will he or won't he?" as I had been for years. My whole focus of the last 5 years was no longer my focus. It was very strange and disconcerting!
But, like I said, it lasted about a month and then I started to readjust to our new setup. It is not without its problems. We still have this same conflict and I'm sure that it will dog us throughout the length of this marriage. My drive is still higher than his and some weeks we do well handling it and others it gets ugly.
But overall it is MUCH better than it was and for that I am grateful! He is a great husband who really has changed himself for the better. Keep up the good work, Jen, and this too shall pass.
Quote: I'm very sorry to see your 'stats' on the bottom of your post. Is there nothing left to try?
Thanks for the support. I'm trying lots of things, but most importantly I'm being patient, consistent, and showing that the man my W fell in love with (the HD guy) is back and he has no plans of leaving.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
honeypot - That was an excellent, EXCELLENT post. It's good to know (as the HD wife myself) what I might be able to expect over the coming months. Thank you!
Thanks! This makes total sense to me... I guess I figured he'd be so glad that it would be the end of this problem...
Can you tell me a little about how it is for you now? No details if you prefer, but just what the struggles are. I'm wondering how this is going to play out long term, and what to expect down the road.
I'll also give him a warm-up period! I just know he's happier by his attitude towards me, but I'll bet he's a bit nervous that perhaps I've lost my mind and will find it again just when he gets in the swing of things!
I'm not complaining, but I'm surprised! 
