I think that a lot of people struggle to understand why anyone would consider taking back a spouse that has cheated. I have definitely heard it from some of those who know my story. They ask me how I could ever trust him again. Honestly, I'm not sure how I can ever trust ANYONE again. I suppose in a way, that if I could be willing to put in the effort to learn to trust a stranger, then I should at least be willing to consider putting that effort into a person I've already married.
Why? I guess because once, a long time ago, I came to believe that cheating is a symptom of a problem in a marriage, not a referendum on the marriage itself. Maybe it was all the struggles in my own M with my H's ED, which caused us so much pain that I once considered asking for an open marriage. Realizing that my needs were not being met for years, despite rationalizing to myself that I was OK with that, almost made me seek attention elsewhere. I didn't, but I came to understand that relationships are imperfect things, just as people are imperfect beings.
Anyway, you don't need to defend yourself from those who don't understand your heart. Our hearts do not take directions.
Take care of yours, Painter.
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
