And on it goes

[Sotto]

Hi Mia, I understand that he has done a pile of hurtful stuff and it's hard to move forward. If he is in MLC, I would expect him to continue having little regard for you, your feelings, your M, financials, the kids. It's a tough thing - but all absolutely to be expected if he is indeed a man in crisis. I prefer to think of my own H as a generally good man, who has/is making a huge mistake right now. My guess is that events and consequences will catch up at some point and that the limerance he feels/has felt with OW will fade. And then he is stuck with an emotionally immature woman who has broken up two families and is willing to cheat. That's not much of a prize and I actually prefer my own lot in life.

For me, understanding MLC and letting go some of the hurtful behaviour has been freeing. I no longer react to my H - though my sitch is easier as we are just email/text now and I get some time to think about a response. But TBH I think less now and I just respond and get on with my day. I do have clear boundaries and have been quite specific with him on one or two of those - otherwise, I largely leave him to it. He can feast on OW until he is over-ful and regretting the indulgence.

The key thing I think is to focus on what we can control. He will do what he will do. Some of it may be hurtful - very hurtful. However, whether we choose to lock horns in combat, ignore it, smile knowingly, meditate and get on with our day - those are our choices. Just try and stay aware of the yes I should control my anger.....however with all his lies and stupid things he has done - and remember that people can do whatever they wish to us - however our reaction is ours to own.

Best to keep the focus on what we can control and try not to worry about MLC replay antics. I know it isn't easy and I have struggled with that, but if we stay on the right path it does come in time.

Take care