Need advice

[CRW]

So I didn't text her all day yesterday. In the early evening she texts me something about child support that she had to know the answer to. And then sends me a bunch of pictures of the kids.


I just answered he question shortly, and then said thanks for the pics. Nothing other than that.

I am guessing as the pattern goes, she'll find some reason to text me late today or tomorrow. Any recommendations if/when she does?

[CRW]

W You still owe 175$ for child support this month. Is that taken out of your check or do you send it in?

Me It comes out of my check. I'm actually about 600 ahead.

W When did it start coming out?
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Tablet time before bed....
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Me:Last check in march
Thanks for the pictures.

[CRW]

24 hours, no contact. This is hard. Miss my kids terribly.

[J5K]

Set a schedule with your W to speak to your kids. You should still be NC with her as much as possible.

[BluWave]

24 hours, no contact. This is hard. Miss my kids terribly.

Yes, it is hard! I am sorry you miss your kids. I will say that that part gets easier. The one benefit of separation and co-parenting is that you can allow yourself to miss your kids a little bit. So when you are with them, you can make sure you are more present and focusing on quality time. Less screen time and more enjoying each other. That is priceless.

I think you are getting what it means to DB! You are not initiating contact, however you are not intentionally ignoring her. Continue to respond and be respectful, however keep up the detachment. Polite, courteous, but keep a healthy boundary. If she doesn't want an R with you, then all she gets is simple, matter of fact, communication about kids and logistics. That's it.

I agree with the other posters. This may confuse her and upset her and even cause her to act out. She may be temp checking or testing to see if you are still invested; she doesn't get to do know. Too bad for her! She made this bed, and so naturally she gets to lie in it and eventually wonder if you have moved on. Waywards need to learn that their plan Bs will not sit around and wait for them.

So keep that chin up, detach, and focus on being the best YOU!

You got this!
-Blu

[CRW]

Thanks guys, I appreciate the words of encouragement and direction. Please keep them coming, you all have no idea how much they help.

So last contact was Sunday night until this morning. Our S14 got in trouble at school so she texted me about it. I asked her what her thoughts were and she immediately called. She tried my personal phone which I didn't answer, then my work phone which I answered, but told her I would need to call her back in a bit.

I haven't called her back yet. I'm not sure why she even called, this isn't the first time S14 has been in trouble, and we've never needed a phone call about it before.

Any thoughts on how long I should make her wait or course of action?

[TimR]

Maybe call back during your lunch time and keep the conversation only concerning S14. If she veers off topic "Oh I need to go my lunch is almost over." or something. Not cold or mean just gotta get to something else.

[CRW]

Thanks Tim, do you think I handled appropriately?

BTW, I feel pretty cool using all the abbreviations now!

[TimR]

Yeah I think what you are doing is good. I would always just text about the kids and keep it at that. And that if the topic was important or about info I have not given in the past. for example "do we have tournament this weekend." reply, "see my email of April 3rd."

However, I must admit my sitch is very different now. I have absolutely no intention of ever taking her back. So I am not DBing for her anymore (I am doing it everywhere else to make myself a better person and have better relationships in the future).

I hope this helps out. Best of luck to you buddy.

[CRW]

Yeah, when everything 'went down' I had so much anger clouding my judgement that I just plowed ahead. Once I was able to clear my mind I realized that I didn't want the D.

It does help, that is exactly what I told her.