Your w had a lot of things simmering in the pot which climaxed when she hit 40. The list has all of the ingredients of a crisis in the making. It's not one thing, but all of them, including your bout w/cancer. Also, her parents, i.e., one or both of them stunted her emotionally at an early age. She didn't receive the love, affirmation and recognition as a young child.
I'm sorry you had a very rough day. I can understand the anger and it's going to continue to simmer until you find an outlet to release it on. Do you have hobbies, go to the gym, yard work or something really physical that you can put that anger to good use? Come here if you don't and spill it, don't take it out on your w.
You may have to take the lead and push for settlement on the divorce. I know, this forum is about busting divorces, but there comes a time when you need to look at protecting your assets and taking care of your family and if she's wracking up lawyer fees and nothing is settled, then you'll need to seriously think of pushing for this to be over and done with. I know that this isn't what you want, but sometimes we need to look at the entire picture and make a decision. The only one making out on this deal is the lawyer right now.
BTW, they all turn greedy when the crisis hits. They don't care if we are sitting on the curb w/a tin cup in hand begging and no roof over our heads. Protect yourself, your children and your finances.
Love your children, for they are the ones that truly need your support now. I'm so sorry that all of this is happening to you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
