Hi Cherry, well I would try not to worry about any of his stuff. I was so pleased to read that you had such a good break. It sounds like just what you needed. I hope you can remember the way you felt when you got back and bottle a little of that for whenever you need it. I love to read about you strutting your stuff in your new shoes!
Take care xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
That sounds very frustrating. Is there any way that you can take him totally out of your transportation equation? Do you have another car, or is there public transportation, or some another option?
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Thank you sotto, it was really great- I'm so glad I did it as I feel i turned a corner and did a spot of realisation, and you like say I have those memories and photos and feelings to draw on when I need them.
Phoebe I can do, but as we finish at the same time 3/5 days and we're going to the same place it would be spending money irrelevantly. Thing is, granted he bothered to find other arrangements but if he had just contacted me, I could have sorted something.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Hmm. So tonight, h sits and watches a movie in bed with me. He turns to me and asks if I think he's an evil person. This is quite out of the blue, bare in mind he has said nothing to me for weeks apart from hello. I wasn't sure what to answer, I couldn't validate, I didn't ask why as one of his complaints is that I ask why to everything. So I told him, not evil no. I thought maybe he would want to continue with this. But he didn't, he watched some more of the movie and went to sleep. Meanwhile, I'm a tad confused. You think this is guilt talking?
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Sounds like guilt to me. Problem is, I don't think guilt tends to get them to snap out of it. They just find ways to justify the guilt or talk themselves out of it. ... Has he ever had a real fear of losing you or his life with you? I don't necessarily mean dropping the rope, but has he ever been able to see/feel you letting go and moving on?
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I do believe he is potentially seeing this, my break last week and the way that I have come back full of life and invigorated. Travelling was a thing he was always facinated about when he met me, I've seen the world. And I think this is the first time he has missed an opportunity that he would have loved to have shared. Maybe I'm mind reading, but I'm sure this has had an affect. Im no longer looking pouty at all, no longer acting- I do feel more relaxed- I feel more confident and stronger, and I am for sure this is coming across
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Cherry, that is great! I am glad you are still doing what you love, holding your head up high, and moving right along. I struggled with that A LOT while my H was in the fog. For him, he didn't come back around until he saw that I was moving on. And I was really starting to.
-blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
You are sounding strong! I think your H might be testing you, to see if your changes are permanent.
The xh used to tell me that he could see my changes but he didn't know if they were for real. I could see his point but I also knew that he was also looking for reasons to justify his A.
Anyways, I told him that the changes were for me. And they really are.
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Yeah you're both right. It could have been a test, I'm staying strong though. I do think the changes are for real. I'm not going to point them out to him and say I've made changes, because they aren't really for him.. They are for me- I feel more like myself when I met him. And I KNOW I will be okay either way, I would love for him to come around, but I need him to change, and to want me, appreciate me and love me. Slightly more cheerful this morning, his good morning and goodbye where slightly more upbeat, he even looked me in the eye, for weeks he's had his head down. He even washed dishes before leaving. This is a new thing for him, I didn't think he knew how too
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
