I am going to show some ignorance here by asking what is ​? I see it a lot in your posts and I don't know if it means to fill in the blank or something else.
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Sandi, in the selfish mindset, do they know they are playing games, temp checking etc or is it just their thoughts at the time. Like my email were you said she is pulling the guilt card. Now many times over the years my wife has given me the line 'I need to get to know you again', she just says it her expressing her feelings but I've always seen it as a guilt trip and trying to get me to prove myself over again. In he ealrier days I didn't think about it but now I see more and more little things like that. I know many times I put her first and that's probably one of the reasons I'm here now. I know women test men generally from time to time, how different is it when the mindset has become what we face now? .
Have you ever observed or dealt with a child (sometimes he/she may be an only child, but not necessarily) and this child was extremely selfish? Perhaps the parents would patiently try to teach the child to be kind and share his/her toys and play nicely with other children. However, the child had a selfish nature and as he/she grew the selfishiness grew, too. He/she would attempt various means to get what they wanted. If the parents tried to explain to the child that it was wrong to be selfish, or even try to get him/her to admit to being selfish.........he/she is not concerned about it. The child is only concerned about getting whatever he/she wants in that moment. I have seen parents practically hold a kid down just to get him/her to say, yes, it was selfish.......but his/her focus was totally on the object of his/her desires.
That is very similar to a wayward wife. Yes, she knows she is selfish, but she is focused on whatever it is that she wants in the moment. Being an adult, she will be more manipulative in getting what she wants. I have seen children use guilt on the parents.....just to get what they want. I have seen kids lie, make promises, blame others, and punish their parents for not giving in to what they want. I have seen them throw fits, try to hurt themselves, scream hateful words, cry uncontrollably, pout, refuse to eat, or some other emotional pressure to wear the parent down till they gave in to them. That is a kid who is either very spoiled, or they have a very selfish nature that drives them. Just imagine that kid being in the body of your WW, and you'll have it pretty close.
People show love in different ways. Some men like spoiling their W, in one form or another. Some men think they are showing love to spoil the W. I think it would be very rare if that W did not test him in some sort of fashion. However, she doesn't have to be spoiled at all, and she will test his manhood. I believe women will test their H to see if he is stronger than she. Maybe it has to do with our primal instincts in choosing a mate who is better able to take care of a W and the off-springs she bears, IDK. I just know we women want a H who is stronger than us. If the W can manipulate him, or if she can bully him and treat him like a doormat, and if she sees him being weak and dependent........she loses her respect and admiration for him.
When the waywardness takes over, she is driven by pure selfishness. And just like a kid, she is not focused on her selfish behavior, no matter how the H may try to get her to see what she's doing...........b/c she's focused on what she wants at that moment. At this point, she does not care that she's selfish, b/c in her mind she deserves what she desires. It is finally time for her to have whatever makes her happy!
Her disrespectful behavior and attitude toward her H becomes worse, when the waywardness takes over (so to speak). Almost every interaction with her H, (for some WW's), are tests. I think that is why a H is caught off guard, b/c he doesn't see that her good moods as well as the bad ones, her niceness, her emotional melt downs, or even cake eating as tests.
She has a bag of tricks, and he never knows what she'll pull out next. So, beware!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
