Blindsided and Lost

[Nate14]

Well had to work an extra shift today at work. Usually my day with the kids. W watched them, got home and W made supper. While she was making supper I asked her about the house appraisal that happened today and how that's looking. She will hear back about it in 48 hours. Then she is gonna go to a mortgage broker to see if she can handle the mortgage on her own. I hope she can, then my kids get to stay in the house and not much in the way of uprooting them from their lives. I would get payed out and our physical seperation would happen much quicker. She would then get a real taste of what a week without our kids would look like. I know that's gonna kill her inside. Hoping that's what cuts the fog. Although the week I have them she may really enjoy the freedom to move the OM into the house. Double edged sword I guess. Not gonna worry about her and her life though. Not my business anymore.

Anyways, while she was cooking supper I was sitting with my S while he played PlayStation and she came over and invited me to eat with them. I respectfully declined and said that it did smell good though. I'm never sure what to do in those situations. Was that the correct was to DB? I mean I also don't want the kids confused that we do things as a family as well and then all of a sudden we're off again. Don't want to confuse and I think it's best. I just went upstairs and doing my own thing. Actually writing this right now. My S first soccer game is tonight. Even though it's my day. Not gonna be an ass and try to get her to respect my time with the kids. Not yet at least. Not till we are physically seperated. Plus she had them mostly today due to me working anyways. When it's my week with the kids I will be getting my mother to watch the kids and not my W. She is gonna see what a full seperation really looks like at that point.

I'm a little worried she won't be able to buy me out of the house. The plan after that will be to sell the house and split everything. That's gonna take more time and I'll be in this stupid limbo phase for much longer. Not sure if the fog will remain for longer then since I'm still physically in the house. I feel I just really need this seperation. I can't take the fact she is contacting the OM and I'm supposed to just put up with it. Makes me mad and want to start an argument for the sake of arguing. I keep myself in check though and remain calm and pleasant. Don't know how many days, weeks, months I have in me to keep letting all this bs slide. I hate the re writing of our marital history, the blatant lying, the avoidance. I mean really, does she really believe she is fooling me or others for that fact? Time to give it up. Anyways it seems I'm starting to rant more now than anything. So I'll leave it there for today.