Hi Again - Sandi and who ever else may see this - Couple more bits of info:
Biggest life stressors lately have been -
1. Me not making enough money for past year or so.
That I'd for richer or poorer.
2. The fight/flight pursuer/distancer dynamic- totally stresses him out and I know he now thinks he either has to be alone or he won't have a calm life.
Mind reading. This isn't helpful.
3. Now that I understand this dynamic from the attachment theory point of view - realize I need to make fewer requests for attention and being constantly validated and ideally then, he would initiate connection more.
Validation in M is vital. I think you are referring to enabling codependency rather than validating.
4. So much of it is understanding each other in terms of what makes us each feel 'connected'.
Consider learning about your respective time Love Languages.
5. I have been feeling overwhelmed past 6 months-year as I was doing ALL the cooking, shopping, cleaning etc. and working about 25-30 hours a week. He kept saying he would help more if I got a fulltime job, but I was so busy doing all this stuff - see what a good little codependent I am? that I rarely had time or energy to look for another job!
Hmmmmm mm really. oh dear Thanks for listening.
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V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
