So sorry to hear about your sad problems. My advice, based on the information you have given us, is to keep the lines of communication open for the sake of S12, considering his delicate and challenging health problem.
As for D17, it is likely she will leave home by the time she turns 18........if she wants that much indepence, or shortly after. Unless her mother enables her by allowing her to do what she wants. I would be more concerned that your W sacrificed her M and the well being of her little boy to satisfy her older daughter. Plus, there is always the chance you don't have all the facts, yet. I don't understand why your W would not feel guit about breaking up the family, but say she felt guilty for allowing you to place the child warfare over hers. Or......was that more you guessing that she felt that way? Ironic that she would have blame you for placing your son over her, when she turns arounds and placing her own daughter over you.
Heartache is not a respecter of persons.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
