Awesome to hear brother! It makes it worth it to be able to use our pain for good! Thanks for the July! I am looking for anything really, sales, insurance, healthcare...something with stable hours.
So I've been trying to balance being attentive and detaching. My W is very sensitive, so I feel like it doesn't take much to get her out of the fog. This weekend it was finally warm and my W hung out with her Mom in the morning. She got home and then decided that she was going to pick up her aunt , meaning she had to leave again. I got irritated because she hadn't spent much time at all with the kids and here she is leaving (escaping) again. She told me that I should take the kids to the park, I was annoyed so I was dismissive. She left and then I went to take a shower so I could take the kids to the park. Well she changed her mind and got the kids ready to leave while I was showering. I hurried up and got out, didn't even dry myself all the way, and told her I was planning on taking them to the park and then to the zoo. She said that I had been rude for the past week and I didn't answer her when she suggested I go to the park (I thought to myself "because I can do whatever I want with them, you can't leave AND tell me what to do with the kids). I said that I wasn't annoyed and she said that our communication has always been terrible anyway. We ended up going to the park and Zoo together and had a great time. When we got home, she left for 3 hours. I took the kids to church. She got back and was in a fowl mood. I asked her what was up and she said she has a lot on her mind, most of which she can't tell me (OM). I validated and then bought her dinner and some groceries ( she hasn't been eating lately and is real skinny). Did she leave because she felt guilty that she's tearing the family apart? She says she wants to have a talk about us...which I am dreading, they never lead anywhere; just her giving her perverted side of things and me nodding and validating. I feel like we are getting closer and then she pulls away.
Thanks Sandi...so more detaching, less attentiveness. She has stated twice lately, that she wishes she had a new heart and that her heart is torn in pieces and she wished that at least one of the pieces could mend (breaks my heart), but I will detach. We are supposedly moving to a new apt and I am thinking of telling her that we can't be seperated for her to go out and do stuff but married when it comes to bills and groceries, so we are going to have to split things 50/50 instead of the current 75/25. I want to set up a boundary around her getting to the house at 1:30am, but don't know how to word it so it doesn't sound like I'm telling her what to do, rather letting her know where I stand regarding her getting back at that hour.
My question to you is why are you being so attentive if you she is separated from you? I know you said she is sensitive. What does that mean? Does she get her feelings hurt easily, get angry, or what? Does everyone have to tiptoe around her?
My questions are not meant to offend b/c I sincerely want to understand. Is there a valid reason for her high sensitivity? The reason I ask is b/c I know a lot of females use it as a means of control. I could see a man who is in love with a woman like that calling her sensitive.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She constantly thinks about EVERYTHING. She obsesses aND thinks about the slightest details, for example when we used to text and I would answer with "ok", she would assume that I was angry " why are you angry?" Would be her response. If I make a face, she thinks I am angry, disgusted, etc. When the kids get a fever, it is straight to the doctor because they probably have an infection. The day that I stood up to her, it really wasn't that intense, but she apologized and changed her actions. I mentioned the cell phone (passive aggressively unfortunately, but I will directly address it at some point) and she has put it down when I'm around. She is a very intense person and does anger easily, especially now that she is overwhelmed. Everybody gets it now, the kids, her parents, me. We all tiptoe around her.
My WW is the same way. Her family enables her waywardness though. It is a difficult situation to combat and overcome. I think these type of people will never change their ways.
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
I hear that brother. I think that it depends on who is doing the redirecting as well. Her sister (who she is having an EA with, if that's possible) could tell her absolutely anything and she would be OK with it. At one point I could have told her anything and she was ok with it too. It's just that now anything I say is wrong.
So today I have been thinking about exposing the EA to OMW. I have some trepidation around doing so because the truth of the matter is that when this explodes,if it does(I think they are seperated as well and OMW may be having an A) then my W still has MANY other choices in men to be with. I am not yet at the point where I am more attractive than these other guys and would therefore be setting myself up for a potential OM2. On the other hand if I wait, then OM might leave his W and take away any leverage I have.� Although I am contemplating this, I am working on me, but I also want to shake her out of her fantasy world.
