LandC- Help Sandi re: Husband wants to come back... Experienced DBers out there? Hey DBers - Ok, so I need some advice. I do have a DB coach but can't use him for everything as really can't afford it right now. We have a house and a guest house. Very limited financial resources at the moment. Husband left after a fight April 8 and is staying w friends. He asked me via email this past Sunday about coming back, he would live in house and me in guest house.
The funny part is I'd already thought of this idea but had not proposed it myself. He is psychic! Anyhow - just starting to feel centered and in control of my emotions etc and realizing all the internal work I need to do on myself and my behaviors (codependency issues etc) I love the idea of him coming back so I can start showing him my changed behaviors etc. and my GAL activities etc. He is the one who said he is 'DONE' etc and can we be friends bla bla bla 3 weeks ago.
He has NO idea at the moment how I am feeling or doing etc.
Question- please advise on how to best play this awesome opportunity to be in each other's vicinity but not in same house.
My inclination is we need to rebuild our friendship. He totally expects me to be the pursuer, want to 'talk' about the M etc. The truth is, I want to wait and be around each other a bit before I even want to talk about it. I am not ready. I don't think I could handle it now if he came back and continued insisting that we break up.
He has no idea I am doing this DB work etc. of course!
Any thoughts on this very appreciated.
We are classic dismissive avoidant/anxious pursuer and that is our interaction that gets us in trouble. In my dreams we do Emotional Focused therapy once there is a willingness to consider staying together on his part.
I am willing to be VERY patient. THANKSSSSSSSSSSSS
