OFP, She's having some type of identity crisis and yes, she's a very confused puppy if she can't decide what kind of music, etc., she likes. Also, the statements of needing time and space and needing to find herself could be good indicators that she's met someone or has someone waiting in the wings for her. I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer here, but we hear this quite often and my xh stated the same things.
Don't you love has they tell us what's wrong w/us and you have to wonder if they are projecting on to us what they are actually thinking about themselves.
As for being a leader for S11's groups, she's lost interest in them because they require work and interactions w/others. She's not capable of doing those things right now. Her mind is shot and her memory is that of a gnat.
As for her mother, maybe your w has gone back in time and is looking to play a young daughter to her mother, i.e., reenacting that time period from her past. We see that quite often whereby reenactments take place w/the parent(s) that may have stunted their emotional growth as youngsters.
I can understand your confusion, but you can't help her. She has to figure things out for herself. You didn't break her, therefore, you can't fix her. Try to keep the focus on you and your children and your finances. I know it's difficult, but she really does need to find herself and grow up.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
