Thanks for stopping JksD. I've been without any consistent companionship for 8 years since my daughter was an infant. It's finally taking a toll on me. The difference is, I used to take whatever crumbs I could get. Now I want it to mean something and last in the long run. That's why I took a stand this time, I needed to know it was real and I wasn't the one keeping it together,and, unfortunately, he didn't come through as I hoped. I am taking it hard. Very hard. I still remain proud of me for not accepting less than I need and want. It was just easier to move on to the next. I'm worth more than that.
The fact I can't keep my eyes open half of the time isn't helping my mood, lol. I burst into tears randomly, which is nuts. It's like going back to the first 2 years of the D.
I did have a nice talk with my dad last night. I was avoiding him because he doesn't understand when I get like this, and it hurts him to see me hurt. But I explained why I had been avoiding him and he offered me some kind and non-judgemental advice and he took a good effort in trying not to tell me how I should be feeling.
I want the old me back. I look in recent pictures of me and my eyes look so empty. I am actually quite a charismatic person normally. I hate that I'm letting a guy take this from me. I swore I would never let that happen again. I'm certainly not going to attract my future mate this way!
I'm working on it, because we all do deserve love.
