OFP

[OFP]

I had posted this in another thread, figured I should put it here also...

For the past few years H has gravitated toward people who are "beneath" him in education or success and usually people who have a problem with alcohol.

I have noticed this with my W also, but all through her life. This is the type of friends she had before we met. She would meet better people, but never get close to them. She would meet these "lower" people and try to become good friends with them. None of the friendships either way lasted, not sure if she realized their ways (many ended up with sticky fingers!), or if I played a part in it by telling my W she is better than that. Her becoming friends with these lower people always seemed to go hand in hand with a low in our M, not sure which caused the other. I am guessing the friends made W miss her previous life and that caused a low in the R.

W's recent new group of friends are similar, she starting hanging out with them in the last year prior to BD, only occasionally, but wanted me to go along. I did occasionally, but didn't care for it. The time with them increased right before BD, and now she practically lives with them. They are borderline alcoholics, a few are into drugs, some of the worst parents I have seen, they have OK jobs but run down messy houses and beater vehicles. Not sure what they spend their money on, other than alcohol.

They do tend to gravitate toward people who are lower in status because they want to be perceived as better than those around them.

This is similar to what I suspected long ago. And I know I told my W that she is better than them, and questioned why she chose friends like that. W was also an enabler, she liked to help others. I would point out that these people made choices to not help themselves.

Note, I may or may not be dealing with a MLCer, it may be just severe depression.

My IC suggested that my W chooses these friends because they are the same "mental age" as herself. "IF" she grows (comes out of it), she will outgrow the friends. I doubt that will happen, ever. Her mother is similar in mental age (13 yr old?), she never did grow. I always was so thankful my W was smarter than her mother.... but now wonder if "love is blind" just made me think that she was smarter.

We (me, W, S11, D9) went with this group for an activity last year, they were all drinking the whole time, made me fear the safety of S and D. This year the 3 of them were just involved in this same activity with this same group. I asked my kids if they saw any alcohol this time, they said they watched carefully and no one was drinking. My W is forcing them to grow up? Or paranoid that I will say/do something if I find out about the alcohol? I can't say on here what the activity is, worried it will lead W here.