It's hard DDJ, it really is. I have had a lot of frustration the last few days as she is having to step up and do things I have wanted her to do for years to help me out. I thing I don't know is how much help she is getting to do it.
The only thing I can say about WW being out of the house is I'm not analyzing every interaction on a daily basis. It has been easier to pull away and leave her alone. We need this time to figure out what we want, I have questioned myself several times over the past few days of what I'm trying to salvage. Am I just doing it for my kids? Am I doing for me? What do I want in a relationship? I think we need this time to have these questions, to work on ourselves, to remember who we are. I spent way too much time trying to be what my WW wanted when the goalposts kept moving that I completely lost myself. I see that now and I want to get back to the me I want to be and improve the faults.
My IC recommended that you write down your positive traits, make it long because we all have them, to focus on these and make them part of your daily interactions. It has helped me because I was able to make a long list. Some of my examples were, I built a house in a foreign country when I didn't speak the language, it exhausted me but I did it, learning many new skills along the way. I hit the gym and gave myself a difficult goal, I ran a half marathon after 3 months of training. I fought for a much better job within the company I work for, moving from the production floor to Engineering, something that is unheard of in this company. Sit down and make your list, it is surprising how long you will make it. For me, as much as it hurts, I know in my heart I am better than any man that pursues a married woman, especially one with young children. Remember that you are he better one, you are the stronger one, accept your responsibilities in the damage of the relationship, learn from them, forgive yourself for them and take all the positive qualities you have and iron out the wrinkles. I know that anyone that gets me going forward will get a really good one, that if my WW doesn't want to see it her loss will be greater than mine.
Watch Michelle's video on WAW, she tells it right. It took these actions (and we as men react to actions much more than words) to wake us up. We wish it hadn't taken this to do so but it did, but as Michelle says, these men that get this wake up call become some of the best men, fathers and 2nd husbands out there because we used that action to see our errors, to learn and become better.
As is mentioned regularly, someone only a fool would leave!
