Unsure of the next step

[Fin]

Hi everyone, I have been lurking here for a couple of weeks, wish I had posted sooner but here is my story, where I stand and wondering what I should do next. Sorry if my post ends up long. And yes, I know I made a loot of DB mistakes and no-no's.

W (29) and I (33) have been married only 7 months, been together for 4.5 years, have a 2 year old.

I got the ILYBNILWY comment after she stopped wearing her wedding ring in January and I straight up asked her if she still loved me. I knew deep down she was having a at the very least an EA, but I was just in complete denial and tried to just change a lot of what she had complained about (and there were plenty of things I was lacking). I found out about the PA on February 15th. We were supposed to be leaving for California that week to take my D to Disneyland and to see my parents. We decided to take a cooling off week, I took the trip to CA with my D and she went home to her parents in Wisconsin.

While in CA I discovered that this was way more than just a fling, I read the e-mails and this had reached a very serious stage, lots of ILY's, him talking about leaving his wife and kids (he had 5) for my wife. I returned home and confronted my wife and told her that this had to stop, that she had to cease contact and we had to go to counseling. She left that night and told me she had quit her job (the OM is a chef at a restaurant she worked at) and was going to Wisconsin again because she needed time and space.

I ended up getting her to come home about 10 days later on the agreement that she was going to completely cease contact and we were going to return to therapy, she gave me her word that she truly wanted to be together and was going to try and move on. About 2 weeks into it I lost my grandmother and I took my daughter to Michigan for the funeral. My wife stayed in Chicago because she had just gotten a new job and was still in training that weekend. Upon returning things started to take a turn, she quit her job because she didn't like the very early hours on the weekends, but I suspected it was for other reasons. And ofcourse a couple of days later I get the "we need to talk, I'm not happy" , and she tells me that she wants to move back to her parents seek a legal separation and eventually a divorce. I was not happy and we fought non stop before she finally left. I asked her about OM and if this had anything to do with him and she told me, only in that she was depressed she hadn't spoken to him for a few weeks, but that she just didn't love me anymore and the separation had nothing to do with him.She left and we both agreed not to date during the separation, and she knew how I felt about the OM or any of his 5 kids being around my daughter.

Since going up there my wife had been very cold and distant to me, completely shooting down any ideas of reconciliation and saying that I couldn't stop her from divorcing me and that it was over. I did something I probably shouldn't have done and I hacked into her e-mail account this past Thursday. I found pretty graphic text messages that she had emailed herself from her phone, screen shots of themselves talking dirty and talking about wanting to see each other soon. I snapped and called her and said I was coming to take our daughter because my W is out of control, my MIL got on the phone and threatened to call the police if I came up there. I did call the next day and apologize to MIL for the argument and MIL acknowledged that I had reason to be upset but assured me that OM was not going to see my daughter while my W was living at there home.

W came down today to pickup my D after I had her for the weekend. We went for ice cream and again wife straight up told me that she had no interest in reconciliation, no interest in any kind of counseling (I mentioned DB center in Illinois) or anything like that. She went on her way, and I didn't know what to think, was it really over?

I called her tonight, I planned on it being my final phone call to her before going dark as best I can while splitting a child. I told her that I knew why she couldn't reconcile right now, I told her she could never love me because she is still so in love with him, that she knows deep down that she gave up to soon on the marriage, that she made a mistake falling for him, that she knows it's in our best interests to stay married etc. etc. I talked for a good 15 minutes, and she never interrupted me like she usually does. Finally I stopped and asked her if all of this was true and she said most of it was. I went on to say how I can't wait forever, that I still want to make this work but I can't wait years for her to end things with this man and come back to our family. I eventually need to move on with or without hurt. And she softly said "I know"

My question now is, what do I do from here. I have done a pretty nice job at GAL since this happened, even she mentioned that. At this point should I go dark and pull away, or should I try and follow this up with maybe trying to get her to counseling or DB coaching?

Thanks everyone,

Fin