Who am I and what do I want?

[Zues126]

JGuy, this post isn't aimed at you. It is clear where you stand, and I am not here to beat a dead horse which is why I haven't posted for so long. This is posted to the other forum members.

Jguy's post is a good reminder to really listen to where people are at. I know I've made posts I regret, and while I have forgiven myself because I am human and make mistakes, and while I know that hurt feelings are a cost of doing business in terms of being genuine, it doesn't mean it doesn't matter.

That said, don't allow his words to discourage you to continue to speak with conviction and challenge destructive behavior. Just as Jguy feels we have been hurtful to him, I know it can be hurtful to have that feedback rejected. And to many of us LBH's that have been labelled 'abusive' it doesn't feel great to be told that again in another venue. But I would point this out...for every person that responds this way, many more appreciate the guidance and tough love this forum provides at times. So please continue. It would be wrong to bite our tongues and stand by as others make destructive decisions in fear someone doesn't like what they hear.

There was a lot of good feedback. That doesn't mean that all of it is 100% applicable to JGuy, but it does mean that we should bring it up to our fellow DBers when something acts and quacks like a duck. He is ultimately responsible for making his choices and weighing that feedback, and right or wrong it is his journey. But you played your role in making some alternative outlooks available.

I have long marveled at how peaceful our community truly is. Given the magnitude of what we're going through, the sensitivity we feel due to our insecurities and the pain we're in, and the wide spectrum that exists in this day and age between beliefs, it is a marvel that this happens so rarely. I have never seen deliberate trolling, name calling, or posts meant to be hurtful. I am so appreciative of this forum and it wouldn't exist without all of you. So thank you for being brave enough to be vocal, and respectful enough to be thoughtful.

Let's respect JGuys wishes. He has made it clear that he doesn't wish to hear further challenges to his next steps. It's time to model the loving detachment and non-controlling behavior we talk about. Validating without agreeing as they say. Granted he may not be around anymore and this thread may die off, so it may not seem to matter. But I think what we do when no one is watching does matter, and I think it's appropriate to respect his choices on this subject. And it can be a final gesture of respect that while we have differences, we acknowledge his autonomy, and that he is free to live and thrive in whatever path he takes.

Jguy, I wish you well and I know you will be. I respect the fight you have fought and celebrate the improvements you've made. Make great things happen and enjoy all you've been blessed with.