Phoebe, I am certain that you have not disappointed anyone! Your motivation, courage, and transparency during this chaos H has created, is truly admirable. I love reading about what you are up to and how you are finding PMA in your day to day accomplishments.
I think the anxiety, lack of sleep, weight loss, and SSRIs, are a recipe for shakiness. I am glad your therapist it attuned to this and expressing concern. It is difficult to function with the chronic stress, fight-or-flight, hormones pumping through your system! Physical stress and hunger alone can keep you up all night, not to mention your anxiety and mind racing. So meditation and mind calming exercises are great. There are lots of aps you can put on your phone with guided relaxation exercises.
The weight thing and how people react never ceases to amaze me! I am a normal sized person and so during my crisis, when I lost over 30 pounds, it was so obvious. I was quite underweight and thus had even more trouble sleeping. I felt and probably looked terrible most days. I couldn't go to work without several people commenting each day on "wow, how did you lose so much weight?" or "You look great!" ... I have heard of cancer patients reporting the same thing. That is what we value in our culture--underweight & ill appearing. What a shame. Sigh.
So I am glad you are embracing your new look. Now that H has been back a year, I have gained all my weight back. Would have been nice to keep some of it off. Just a little ...
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
