So I find myself just caring less everyday or maybe I don't. Is this detachment? I still want to look and check FB or log into game and see what she is doing, and I must admit sometimes I do. At first I stopped but then i checked once and after that I keep doing it. I need to stop, but just for whatever reason I feel like it is just validation when I see what she is doing. All the things I fear she is doing, she is. I tell myself that I need to move on. I know that I deserve better, and I doubt that she will ever be capable of doing the things or wanting to do the things I would need to trust her again.
I haven't really got that much spew from her, but the MIL recently gave me some. It was related to the recent reduction in financial support. She attacked me on so many levels, as a christian, father, person. It was all complete bull$#!& so I didn't really respond. My WW is so immersed in video games, she now has a job playing them for a living. Letting her go seems to be the only option. Maybe I am impatient, maybe just realistic. I think the only reason she hasn't filed yet is because her mother is saving up cash for a L (based off recent spew). Who knows. I have my trepidation's about filing because I know that my WW will use that as an excuse FOREVER. that I wanted this, that I did this. I guess she will probably continue to blame me for all the failure in our M either way, Even-tough she was the one having cyber sex with 1/2 the internet.
I love my boy's and i hold onto a miracle for them. I hold onto a complete 180 from my WW. I guess things would suck either way @ this point, so why try to change that (more limbo or D). I think I just need more GAL'ing. more distractions, more me for me.
Either way I will survive, but i just wish for my boys that they didn't have to come from a broken home. Although this time with her gone has made me see how strong they are. They hurt sometimes, but we are do GREAT and thriving without her. She is the one missing out.
