Blindsided and Lost

[Nate14]

Yes we have divide bank accounts to Seperated accounts. We sleep separately. I told her I was sleeping in our bed, if she wants to sleep elsewhere hats on her. So it's been a month or so that she has been sleeping in the kids bedrooms. She still comes into the ensuing to get ready. Her clothes and toiletries etc are in our walkin closet and ensure bathroom. I would really love to set that up as a boundary that she can find somewhere else to get ready. We have split time with the kids already sorta. For example tomorrow is my sons hockey game and it is my day but it's the first day and she is going. Don't think I could stop her if I tried. The kids are her world. That's one good thing I can say about her. She is a good mother. That's what is gonna be he big shock when we do finally seperated. Seeing he kids only 50% of the time. She doesn't get it right now.

The OM she is seeing is seperated for almost a year I believe. He has a 7 year old son who was on the kids hockey team with my son. He and my son bonded. So my son is friends with his son. Ugh. That's another thing that makes this hard. Anyways. 2nd marriage for him, his 7 year old is from his 1st marriage. So 2 marriages in 7 years. Not a good track record. I found out he's living in his brother/sisters basement basically cause his ex is still in there house which hasn't sold yet. Anyways I try not to focus on the maggot too much he's not the issue.

I finished reading the book Women's Infidelity last night. Very interesting read. I wish I had tapped into all this crap a year ago. It's amazing how naive I've been all these years. I can hardly wait to get into DB and DR. Once the lu show up at the door. All though it seems you could be the best husband in he world and this affair [censored] could happen anyways.

I've been hitting he gym lately. Reconnected with a few people and scheduling some time to go out and socialize a bit. I've been trying to stay out of the house or out of contact with WW. Life seems ok when I don't see her. When I do. I get emotional. I am aware of how my emotions are affected by her. Trying to limit that for now. Although I keep it in check and cry or get mad later. I really do hope to see something positive come from all this work I'm doing. Not really sure at this point what to expect anymore. Not really sure if I want her back or just want to heal and move on.

She did text me today after I had left for the gym. Not telling her where I was going. Just left. He text was asking me to pick up shin pads for my son because Walmart didn't have any. Asked if I could pick some up today. I didn't reply. Then 20 mins past and she gave me the ???? Text. Then I got the never mind I picked some up. Lol. I woulda picked some up tomorrow if she hadn't, but I wasn't gonna respond because it wasn't necessary.

I really hate how she thinks it isn't an affair and they were just "friends". Really? Our phone bill went from 400 mins in the month to 1900 mins last month. My god. She can't really believe what she is saying can she? I mean yes it wasn't a PA till he last little while but come on. Maybe someone can weigh in on this one. Do they really believe their own lies and when the fog wears off will they actually use their logical brain and realize the lies they've been telling? This part is what bugs me. I really want to give her literature on the affair fog and women's infidelity book etc but I know it would not be read sadly. I know she has to get there on her own. As much as I try to utilize the time I just want her to wake up and smell the Doucebag for what he is.

Anyways. That's it for today. Once again, everyone here is awesome and hope some of you have success in your struggles. I'm really looking for a win these days. Even just a little one.