More detachment, anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Hey Painter and SadHub. I know I sounded kind of glum earlier, but I really did mean it when I said that I am feeling better mentally. Overall, I am still waaaaay better than last week. The shaking is ongoing, but I'm feeling better in my head, or at least I am most of the time. Sad moments happen, of course, but they also pass more quickly. Still just letting myself feel it, acknowledging that it is real and for a reason, and then I let it pass on its own. So far, that approach is helping me tremendously.

I just don't like disappointing people, particularly those I like. It's not a huge deal, just a feeling I get sometimes.

I'm still smiling and pleased this evening. Honest. Why, you ask? Another job well done hereabouts!!! I just sent the scrap guy off with a bunch of goodies, and I have scored a new clean space on my property where an ugly mess once stood. In a couple more days he and I are going to pull out about 400 feet of heavy (think 1" diameter) aluminum wire from an in-groud conduit, and I will have yet another mess out of my life. Wahoo!!! Stuff like that makes me feel like I'm really getting something accomplished, in this case healing my land, and that, in turn, makes me happy.

Plus, I get the extra bonus of actual interaction with a fellow human being. Also a good thing.

I haven't yet decided if/when I will file. I know I should, but I guess i'm not quite there yet. You are right, Painter - it really does feel like such a message. In my brain I am still standing. Still have to meet with a L in the other state on Friday, and gather more information. Why decide now, when I can procrastinate?

I didn't end up walking because my friend bowed out at just about the same time the scrap dude showed up, so it worked out just fine. I was still occupied and interacting with someone.

Off for my daily evening commute!