I can't help but feel this whole thing is my fault and that if I had done something different that maybe we wouldn't be where we are now... I understand that my wife is most like beyond repair with her issues. Maybe if I had just been able to see what she was going through - after all, we were supposed to be together forever, right?
I'm not sure how much further I can fall. It seems like each time it gets harder and harder to stand. I'm still without work and my W is pushing divorce. Maybe its because she is trying to really hit me hard and doing what she can to make sure she gets the kids. If I don't get work soon, I'm not sure I can put up a fight legally for them. Ugh.
This weekend she comes to visit and accidentally reveals 3 new tattoos. She had one before we married but never mentioned that she wanted more. Ever. And now she has three more. What does all that mean? Is it kind of like her going wild?
I know there isn't saving this marriage anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore. I miss her. Having to go through information for my lawyer brings back so much stuff from memory.
Maybe, as my IC says, there really wasn't anything I could have done. Maybe she is just not wired for family life. So many things go through my head. I look at my kids and they believe. They believe that she is going to come back and we are going to be a family again. That hurts more than anything else.
Sorry if this post was weird. Maybe its just one of those days.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
