Blu, thanks again for sharing, you story is truly inspiring. I have a few questions if you are ok sharing more:
It sounds like you had the kids full time during S. Is this correct?
How did you deal with the loneliness while S?
How often did you make contact with H while S?
Hi 1gr8dad.
Sure, no prob!
I stayed in our home and the kids were there most of the time. He still saw them often and at least every other day. He would see them at the house, he would take them to his parents, and he would check in at least every 1-2 days. It was still hard on the kids. He stayed with friends, OW, and his parents, and it became tiresome and burdensome for him not to have a stable home. This really wore him down. I was also resentful that he would spend time here with the kids because that meant for me having to leave and coming home after bedtime. I didn't want to be around here while he was here with the kids, and I knew he was running off to OW, so I had to create distance to protect myself. It was no way to live.
Dealing with the loneliness was hard. The hardest part was that it was associated with fear--fear that my family would be broken forever, fear that I would lose my home and financial stability, and fear that my kids would have more troubles. I also had a lot of shame around his A and walked around wondering who knew. So I dealt with the loneliness by GAL, spending as much time with family and friends as I could, keeping busy, and being open to new friendships. I had many sleepless nights though. Looking back, I wish I had not been so hard on myself. I really allowed my sitch to destroy me and my sense of self. I had zero confidence in what I was doing; and you know what? I did a pretty good job of managing it all!
So we were in contact quite often. An email schedule at least once a week. A couple texts and calls a week, mainly about the kids or bills. It was really hard. I tried to DB, but often would get upset and lash out. I knew he was overwhelmed with guilt and so I stuck it to him and reminded him what a POS he was whenever I could. Sigh.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
