Had a good weekend with the kids. Did some reading while they played videos games or watched a movie... Fairly active with them otherwise.
I was reading about pursuer vs. distancer. I went through the list, she met most of the pursuer traits fairly well. I met a couple criteria for distancer, a couple I'm not sure (hard to self-alanyze), some no way. Some of them were swapped between us ironically. Still more self-reflection to do I guess.
Once the kids were gone, I became angry again. We had a great life, I thought we got along fairly well, and she is throwing it away, viscously. How to cope with that anger? Obviously can't fight it. Try to distract it, or just grind through it?
Self-talk... I thought again through life with her, living with her depression, her never being happy. The fact that she rarely directly interacted with the kids but I sure did a lot. Her laziness. Her stupidity. Do I focus on what I didn't like about her? Or focus on not focusing on her at all?
And like I posted in bluwave's thread, do I want her to come crawling back only for revenge reasons? So she can become the LBS and feel the pain she caused me? To keep the kids from her for a while so she can see what it is like? Have her come back and be a slave while I go out and GAL for a while?
Another thing I have yet to find, maybe someone can answer for me... I know every sitch is different, but how often do WAW's or WW's or MLCer's come back?
I have talked to 17 people going through divorce and keeping score:
13 out of 17 are LBS as the other person left for an affair. What is this world coming too? And why is it that everyone I know is the LBS in these? Does it have to do with the class of people I talk to, they are good people who made poor decisions in a spouse?
Out of the 13, 5 came back. Out of the 5, 4 didn't work out and 1 is still piecing almost 4 years after BD with a boomerang.
Out of the 13, I believe 3 are still with OP, might be less, one has only been a year so may still fail.
Out of the 13, 8 or more of the LBS's say their ex is "still screwed up" emotionally many years later, their ex never did find what they were searching for and/or realized how much they screwed up by leaving. This part gives me hope, I hope she ends up miserable without me, and can stew about that for the rest of her life.
The encouraging part, of the 13 LBS's I talked to, 10 did GAL very successfully, 2 are still in the early stages, and the 1 poor soul I mentioned is piecing after 4 years I think I pity the most, he has by far gone through the most heartache. He tried to GAL, stays busy, tried dating but couldn't do it.
