A DB Small Victory!!!Hi Vanilla and everyone who has been so kind to respond to my posts... That is so funny you mentioned the ACE score - just did it with my therapist last Thursday - it's a 6!!! and my husbands is a 5! I am so clear on my codependency behaviors, very very clear. But here's an amazing success today and I did NOT respond in a codependent manner! We have a small guest house/shack and our house. One idea I had a week ago was to eventually, ideally, have my husband come back to live in house if he wants and I will live in guest house. This would give me an opportunity to start rebuilding our friendship AND give me the opportunities I need to show him I am changing and becoming my best self etc. As if he isn't here at all, that's a challenge. Anyhow I did a lot of meditating today and felt a lot of guidance about this idea working out eventually.
I checked my email today and VOILA...my husband had responded to an email from me from yesterday asking if this is something I would consider - the shack/house idea...Cha Ching! He is now staying with some friends. And the best part is, he said THANK YOU twice for the email I sent, used the word 'appreciate' that I am being 'reasonable' and glad I want to be friends. WOWSA. So did not expect this so soon. And he asked if he could 'ideally' come back tonight! Now, my old codependent self would have responded immediately and said 'sure honey, no problem' I'll just run myself ragged getting everything ready so you, who left me, can waltz right back home...So I called my friends - who once were close to divorce and separated for 2 years and are now happy and together - and got them to knock some sense into me. No, not tonight! I need more time to get my head on straight, get some stuff done and be really ready for his return, as this will be a golden opportunity to put into practice all these DB principles and I intend on being brilliant at it and not messing up! So as uncomfortable as it felt I said I would think about this idea - (of course didn't mention I'd already thought of it) and tonight isn't good and I'll get back to you. So proud of myself. All that jumping through hoops behavior has never helped me, it's not real love. My friend said 'if you draw a line he will start to see he's dealing with a different woman'...the magic is in the works! have I rambled enough. I am feeling so hopeful. Thank you for responding and I am seeing my therapist tuesday to continue this work on the trauma of my 12 year old self who has basically been running my life much of the time! Congrats on working on your stuff at 62. better late than never!
