We have only seen H for a few minutes all weekend because of his shifts. Saturdays are full of different hobbies that the kids and I do and then today we had some shopping to do so it has been a busy weekend. Still found myself doing lots of thinking though. I really don't know how to handle going out for a meal with H on Wednesday. I don't even know how I feel anymore. I feel so relaxed and happy when he isn't here and so stressed and on edge when he is because of his constant niggles at the kids. I don't know if this is tainting my feelings or if genuinely don't feel anything for H anymore. I still feel like I'm in love with the idea of being with H, but the old H, and I really don't want the kids to live in a broken home, but I don't feel any love for H. I hope it is as many of you have said, and that my feelings would return if H did the work, but I'm not sure. Everyone around me is telling me that they cannot believe I would even consider taking him back. My mum is appalled at the idea. It makes it all the more hard to know what to do.
I wonder if I'm at the stage where I should be setting out what I think reconciling would need to look like or if I should still be waiting to see what H says and does.
