I agree with you IP 100% and yes parenting is teamwork. Communication between two stable parents is priority. If one parent needs to step it up because of the lacking other parent it doesn't mean you are belittling the other parent for their short comings. I think you do an amazing job. Your concern about your H is justified based on your situation. You are looking out for your kids best interests. You are a mom.
Hi Irish, thanks as always for your post, is always great to hear from you! I was so relieved to see that someone agreed with what I put as Zues' post upset me to the point that I was actually in tears. I am heartbroken for my children about how their Dad behaves towards them. Before I had children I would never have dreamed that my H would become the kind of Dad that he is. I never dreamed that anyone would be any other kind of dad than how my dad was when I was growing up - I thought that's what all dads are like.
Originally Posted By: IrishM
You and your children deserve peace and harmony. I hope your H realizes that this circus roller-coaster he is on is putting your kids and you in the front seat.
You're absolutely right. Unfortunately, I don't think he does realise it at all. Either that or it is complete denial because he cannot take ownership of the pain he has and is causing the kids. It's one thing to cause pain to your spouse, who you perceive has caused pain to you, but the kids have done nothing.
Originally Posted By: IrishM
I see where you can get that message from certain posts. In my case and I believe in your situation because we have been through this twice already and the first time around was brushed under the rug. We have been walking on eggshells and living with a deep down fear that it will happen again. Well it did. I know my STBXW is broken. Did I add to her breakdown maybe. Was I the cause NOPE. She never voiced the issue that was growing inside her head. Waited to run away. Avoid all responsibility. I feel your H is the same. Like a teen hanging out at a friends house.
Yes! This ^^ is exactly right! I feel that my H is acting like a teen. He certainly isn't in the real adult world. Apart from work he has no responsibilities and is calling all the shots. Then has the gall to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing with regards to the kids and house when he comes round!
Originally Posted By: IrishM
You are doing great. Your H is missing tools to be a complete person. Hopefully he is working on it. You don't need to change your core person. Just be true to yourself, be strong for your kids. Your H has a lot more work to do than you.
Yes, I agree H has a lot more work to do than I. I'm very afraid that he doesn't have the tools required. Even through this time of immense heartbreak I am now at a place where I actually feel quite content and am enjoying every day at work and with my kids when I get home. H, however, looks more and more tired and down every day that goes by. When I look at H's family I can see why he is the way he is and that worries me. I fear that it is ingrained in him from way back and I do not think he can change.
I feel frightened about what to do/where to go next, to be honest.
