More detachment, anxiety and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Nope. You've got me totally right, Cherry!! My feeling good in my new jeans is just about me feeling better. It really does help my self-image and thoughts about the weight loss to have clothes that fit. I'm so glad that you've been doing so well on your trip. That makes me very happy.

BluWave, I really have to thank you. I don't know why, but what you wrote has helped me tremendously. I know that there will be plenty of crummy days yet to come, but I think that my perspective has shifted because of what you wrote. I really am starting to realize that I am OK on my own.

I just got some major stuff accomplished at my place AND I just met a local beekeeper (who happened to stop by to purchase 2 dozen of my birds' best eggs and decided to drive in and chat). This may be a very good thing for me. I've been wanting to keep bees for a few years now, and I have just never gotten around to it. He offered to help me get set up to keep my own hive, and I may just take him up on the offer! I'm thinking that maybe this is the year, so it's kind of an exciting and serendipitous development.

In addition to that, I went out and strolled my land a bit. I was out showing the metal scrapper who's been helping me clean up around here some more stuff that needs to be taken out and he was kind of in awe of my property. It was a nice reminder about all I have here. I'm not bragging, but it really is beautiful land in a beautiful place. Yet another reason my H is a blithering idiot. Who would want to leave me AND all this?

I just told my story to the lawn guy. He commented on how much we had been getting done since last year, and I just started by telling him it was just me getting things done these days. I was even able to keep smiling while I told the story, which is a huge improvement. I suppose that maybe I should keep my story to myself, but you know what? I'm alone now and it's not my fault. I'm starting to put aside the feelings of shame and failure that I have. I got a great hug and he reminded me that I need to take people up on their offers to help me right now, that I need to let people care for me and support me. He's right.

As I read what I just wrote, it strikes me that you are probably wondering why I have all these men around today??? They're just the ones that happened to stop by. Just saying that if there were women stopping by I'd be talking about them, instead!!!

Thank you everyone for all your support through my rough days, and for the encouragement on the good ones, too! It means a lot to me.