GAL going well. Need help with LRT and 180

[Sotto]

Hi Rose, I think you are spot on with the goals. To me, the examples MWD gives are more like 'signs of progress.' Because if you set a goal - I want my H and I to have a phone convo this month - it takes two...and if someone's H is MIA or doesn't want to speak by phone....well...

So, do make your goals all about you and how you want to live your life moving forward - whether or not he wants to return. I think goals can also be about not making things worse though - ie: my goal is to not initiate any R talk during the whole of May etc.

But I think the best goals are all about you - what social things will you do? Study? Financials? Parental? Friendships? Work....regardless of him, what do you want to do in these areas?

And I think if you achieve your own goals and are generally happy in your life, healthy, enjoying work and with good friendships - well those things make you attractive - both to yourself, others and possibly your H!

I have a pretty, small notebook and whenever a goal occurs to me, I write it on a page. Then I make a few notes under it....what first steps can I take and so on. Then I tick off the small steps when I make them. I have 15 or so goals in there and they include things like - keep in touch with old friends, be a good friend to my SS, buy a new car, do one new GAL activity each month - and so on. The goals are a bit general, but then my steps are specific. Get car valeted, list it on X website, get finances in place, test drive X car and so on....

Hope this helps anyway xx