One of These Days

[uRworthy]

Hi sweetie. So sorry about your dog. Always a hard thing.

I can so understand your worry about your son. Is it possible to get him in to talk with someone? Might be a good thing for him..someone not emotionally connected to the sitch.

I want you to know that it matters that he has you... a great deal. You are his touchstone right now. He is looking to you to see how to navigate through this.

As far as the forgiveness thing. Listen, it is still too early for that. And some will argue that you neednt ever get there. Thats for you to decide. I needed to in order to let go and move forward. I didnt want the anger and all the other stuff to weigh me down. I did it for me. I didnt want to give him any more than he already took. Every time I stayed in the negative mindset and hold onto to things, he got a part of me and he had taken more than enough. But, its not something you need to address now.

All the parts you feel are exactly what you should be feeling. You need to work through each one and you will. I know it.

I can understand that you are tired of being alone, but, you arent near ready for anything right now. It wouldnt be fair to you or to her.

You are doing wonderfully, my friend....keep going.

[mleigh4]

Oh Cali, so sorry for your loss. It's never easy to say goodbye to a loved pet.

Those are nice words in that song. More than ever, I hear lyrics in songs now and the meanings. I love when I find a song that fits my current mood. Thankfully I have progressed from the angry stuff to the more positive and calm stuff! Lol

I always enjoy reading your updates and am happy to hear you remain grounded. I am sure this all is wearing on your wife, we all know how that goes, unfortunately they don't pick the healthiest ways to deal. I hope that changes soon for her.

My newest recipe obsession....wheat pasta with grilled zucchini and onions with garlic, mixed in olive oil with feta and fresh parmesan cheese. I can't get enough of it!

Take care Cali. Enjoy the weather, beach and your munchkin

[Irish M]

Hi Cali
Just checking in on you.

[job]

Cali,
I am so sorry about your dog. It's always difficult to lose our fur babies. He had a good life and you did the most humane thing for him in his final days...you didn't allow him to suffer for longer than he needed to.

Enjoy the time you spend w/your son.

[bttrfly]

Cali adding my condolences on the loss of your furry friend. Thank you for the song. It resonated with me also. Hope you are well. xoxoxo

[CaliGuy]

Hi Cali
Just checking in on you.

Hey Irish .. Thanks

I am doing well ... not really much that I can think about posting .. I know its been a bit but to be honest there has been little to no contact ... and what little there has been was predictable. A few weeks ago I dropped S off, watched him go up the stairs and waited for her to let him in and recieved a TM saying something along the lines of "I know I disgust you but the least you could do is .. bla bla bla." Again ... nothing out of the ordinary as she continues in her crisis.

We had Mediation set for May 11th .... brace yourselves .. this is now being rescheduled. Again ... predictable.

I have dropped rope, gave her to God and continue to live my life, go on the path set before me. I have GALs going keeping me absolutely busy, work has been busy keeping me off these boards and I seldom sit and think about my sitch or where I am .... all eyes forward as I plan life after D.

Even went on a few dates ... just to get out and have a dinner, chat with another person .. getting out of my comfort zone ... nothing serious, up front and honest just learning to fly again.

I pray for you all , hope all is well and still intend to pop in now and then offering some insight to what I have learned in the past 3 years. I feel liberated and light on my feet knowing I was meant to go through this sort of hell to become who I am, I did all I humanly could for as long as I could but in my case holding on was not helping anyone.

Peace to you all.

[job]

Cali,
I'm glad you came back to post an update. Letting us know that you are okay is all that matters. You can come here any time and post about what YOU are doing w/your son, work, dating, GAL activities, etc. The forum is not just about posting updates about your spouse. We are more concerned about how you are doing.

You are sounding a lot better these days and I'm glad to see that you are getting out and about. Sitting home or doing things alone soon gets old. Cali, this is your time to rediscover you and I'm happy to read that you are doing just that.

Take care.

[mleigh4]

Hi Cali,

Always good to hear from you. Look at you, out in the world. I am really happy to hear it and hope you are enjoying your peace and quiet. I hope S is good as well.

Take care and check back in.

[Fogg]

You sound good Cali, keep it up. And keep us updated also

[123Gwen]

Cali - so sorry to hear about the loss of your faithful friend. Dog's occupy such a special place in our heart and their loss is real but so was your time together. My sympathies -

Also just wanted to let you know that what you've accomplished along this journey has really resonated with me. I admire your commitment to all the people you love and your willingness to share how you've taken this time to really reflect and own your life. This is poignant stuff and in today's world people seem to accept MLC or fractured families as normal.

Anyway you've really bared your soul at times. As a woman over the last year or two I have found myself wanting to drift into that scary camp of "man blaming" - It was tempting and so not the issue. Thank you for honoring us with your posts and reminding me that a spouse in crisis is not defined by gender and there are guys out there who value their vows for all the right reasons. You and Irish and a few others have bolstered my optimism and been insightful and kind. Thanks for sharing.