6 months in, I try to convince myself I am better off without her... But it just won't stick, I really enjoyed our life. Despite her depression, we had a lot of fun together, amazing how many things we did. She made the comment after leaving that she did all the things I wanted to do. Really? I don't remember it being that way. She was a tomboy, and liked the same things before we met that I did.
I was just talking to a previous neighbor, he was saying he was always kind of envious of me and W, because we were always doing so much with the kids, and seemed to him we were always doing something fun together. Yep, seemed that way to me too.
She complained to my mom after leaving that I never said she was pretty. So, I feel guilty as hell about this one, but it's because she isn't. Guess I shoulda lied to make her feel good? I didn't know this was a big deal to her. She didn't tell me I was handsome either. So I didn't think anything of it. But my mom said she remembered telling W she looked nice one time, and W just lit up.
Another thought... She drifted further and further after she filed the OFP. From talk like she was interested in reconciling, to not sure, to thinking not, to "no way." What's up with that? I don't suppose me sending D paperwork helped any, but I was in a position I had to do something to protect myself and get part of my life back, and she was showing no signs of coming back. I probably should have filed sooner.
Then I remember what the last year together was like. Her telling the kids I am mean to them, her having more and more outside the house activities with the kids, sleeping and being tired even more, getting less done, dazing and it being hard to get her attention. I assume some of this is related to her saying a couple weeks before leaving that her antidepressants are off.
I am not saying I was perfect either... I have learned some things since she left, and working on them, and she knows this... But doesn't care.
