Look - just so you don't feel alone - I think almost all of us recently divorced folks have these moments. After all, it's been a relatively short time since our worlds, expectations, and financial well beings have been upended. I had a minor version of this myself. XH's mom just bought herself a new car (she buys a new one every three years) and gave him her in-prime condition 3 year old Toyota. Meanwhile - coincidentally, I had just been realizing I am probably going to need a new car in a couple of years - and that had not been factored into my previous financial calculations. I felt a little pouty that this problem had been solved so easily for him ("must be nice" ran through me head a few times). And then I said "F*** it. Thank goodness I'm in my forties and can buy myself a car and I don't need my mommy to do it for me".
Anyway, enough about me. Look - it blows that he can sort of afford the shiny special new house. It REALLY blows that it sounds like he might not be the most financially prudent person to have to rely on for your kids. As an aside, while it's a good idea to plan for the worst case scenario - it very well may not end up with him reneging on his obligation. After all - he's probably going to be building up some equity in his mini-mansion, and I presume the college stuff was written into your divorce settlement? I'm sure you would hate to go back to court - but that is something that IS enforceable.
I know you are worn out right now - and its hard to feel empowered in those moments. Keep reminding yourself that you are a strong and capable person, Maybell. Not getting any traction in your job? It's only been three weeks, dear. That's the blink of an eye in a career. Give yourself a break - or at least 6 months - before you start to worry about "traction".
I know the house stuff must be bothering you- it's something that has come up here and there in your threads. In fact - you always make me feel a little guilty - because I don't think my laundry has been completely done since this whole thing started almost two years ago - and frankly - I don't really care (and probably should) . I know you will get it where you need it to be.
And back to the college stuff.....look... we all want to send our kids to college to pursue a degree they are passionate about so that they can be productive members of society and start their adult lives with a nice clean slate and no debt....and you know, I don't think that it works out that way for most people. Cut yourself some slack. Save what you can. Start college accounts for each kid that they contribute to, even if it is only $5 bucks a month, so that they start to get some sense of financial planning and responsibility, because they probably aren't going to get that message from their dad. And if they end up with some college debt - well - they may learn something about responsibility, and that isn't a bad thing.
And Maybell - I know that your D is 13 and this terrifying expense is looming in 5 years - but 5 years is a long time. You might be surprised by what you can accomplish in that time.
In short Maybell - you can do this. It may not look like you envisioned, but you will be able to give your kids the guidance and assistance that they actually need. Look at what you've accomplished already - new house (we all know how exhausting that is), new career, new life. Give yourself a pat on the back, Momma. You CAN do this.
. I know you will get it where you need it to be. 