What kids want is not a mansion and fashionable colors. It's love and understanding. I thought about it in my D because STBX might be hotter, but he's less accomplished, poorer, etc. But he's kind and loving to STBX (or was when he snapped her up) and I couldn't compete with that at the time. It's kind people we love, not the rich ones. We want people who pay attention to us, who welcome and accept us. Keep swimming.
About your XH: You're right. You're entirely right. I despise him. He's wrong to care so little about his kids, he's wrong to be so greedy. He was wrong to cheat on you.
But this hate is only affecting you. He's not affected by it, at all. He goes on to live his life, without a care for what's going on in your head. IT'S UNFAIR! It shouldn't be this way. He should have a price to pay for it. But whether he will or not doesn't matter.
You'll have to find a way to let go. One day, it will happen and you'll realize that he'll win nothing from you letting go. Your hate is not evening out anything. It's only affecting you, and hence giving him the upper hand again.
Letting go will bring you freedom and energy. It's a journey. Keep going in that direction.
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Yesterday, I told STBX that I didn't want to pay for her unemployment benefits even though I'm legally required to under her immigration status. Her parents are rich (just bought her a condo in cash), she has savings that I have accumulated for her, she's hired a decorator for her new condo, has been on vacation abroad at least 4 times since we separated 18 months ago, the separation already cost me some 60K in lost income and expenses, I'll have to take the money out of my savings to pay her, etc. She had no care for it: she said she needed the money and she was entitled to it so even though she felt bad it would come from me, she was going to claim it.
I spoke to my best friend, who's been my advisor through this, and he convinced me to pay and move on. It's a few thousands dollars and it's a lost battle anyway. I shouldn't let it affect me. I'm right: it's unfair. She's rich, I'm not. So what? Move on. It's difficult, but it's the best thing for us.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
