Last night D13 needed me to drop something off pretty late. I ran it up to Mr. Fantastic's front door, he opened the door wide enough for me to hand him the item, and I left. 15 seconds, max.
The place is a mansion. It had a beautiful chandelier, super high ceilings, the latest paint color. The kids have all new furniture and bedding (which is good, given they didn't have anything in his apartment), and he's decorating it all custom colors according to what they want.
It makes me sick. I met with my financial advisor the day before and described the situation to him and he agreed with me that we need to plan on Mr. Fantastic defaulting on his college obligation.
I've been working SO HARD the last three weeks and I'm not getting a lot of traction in my success. I feel an amount of stress that makes me want to vomit and I'm losing my hair at the same rate as when he first left me. I'm terrified that if I can't make this job work that I'm dooming my kids to enormous levels of student debt and myself to a Medicaid retirement.
My house is a disaster. My laundry is a disaster. I barely see my friends and I haven't spoken to my family in three weeks. (I did try to call my mother but she forwarded my call to voicemail a week ago and she hasn't called me back). Fortunately the kids are with him this weekend but 48 hours doesn't feel like enough for me to relax so my mental health is better for the coming two weeks, get the house back in order, my studying caught up, and a plan made for the work week.
I HATE HIM. I'm trying to do the job of two very busy people all by myself. I hate that he's so f-ing self-indulgent that he leaves because "this isn't what he wants," he buys himself a mansion but resents every penny he pays me and expects me, a woman who spent twelve years at home caring for his household and his children, to pay for half their college when there is NOTHING saved up. I hate him. I'm terrified for my future and for my kids. I do not feel like I'm enough for any portion of this, let alone all of it.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
