Hey Rouky, I'm sorry you're having a rough time Sweetie. Now then, you're making the fundamental error of seeing his crisis as being all about you. I must have been a poor W because otherwise why would he.....

But his crisis is all about him and you happened to be the closest person there and were badly hurt by it. Yes, having a PA is not a great way to run from a M and an emotionally healthy person would probably have the tools to do things differently (and probably would have had a transition rather than a crisis.) However, he doesn't have the tools...

The realisation I came to is that my H's poor choices do not diminish me in any way. I am not responsible for his poor choices - they are all about him. I was a loving and faithful wife, I'm attractive and I was kind. I looked after my SS, welcomed H's family and supported H in his work. I was also a flawed spouse, selfish at times, struggled with aspects, wasn't always authentic, didn't always express my needs and so on.

I hope you'll come to see things in a more balanced way. I think you are grieving now and that is entirely understandable, but please don't internalise those things that are his and not yours.

Take care, be kind to yourself and I hope you feel better over the weekend xx

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus