To ignore or not to ignore?

[sr9e2d7]

Thanks for the support. I really thought I was on the up and up! I had been feeling so much better and felt like I was living my life. All of a sudden, I hear that he's sad, he's lonely, and I feel sad. I know he's not coming back, but I guess I just feel hopeful and then crushed all over again.

[collin]

sr9,
The emotional roller coaster is a pain in the butt. Don't let it beat you though. This forum has been a life saver for me. Take advantage of it and use it. You've got a whole team of folks on here that are on your side and pulling for you.

[Cristy]

Hello sr9e2d7,

This is certainly a roller coaster. I'm glad you have been feeling better and living your life.

It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head!

Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[sr9e2d7]

The hard thing is to not get my hopes up. He says things like "I miss you" " i know I'll want to come home soon". How can I not get my hopes up? I have to play it cool because if I get excited, I'll just be crushed if he decides he doesn't want to be with me in the long run. Plus, playing it cool makes him act differently. This detaching thing really does work. I just don't know when I let him back in? (If he even comes back)

[collin]

sr9,
I know what you mean about it being hard to not get your hopes up. My W one night asks me to sleep in the bed with her and hold her all night. Then next day she's telling me about her new place, furniture, etc.. I'm like, "wait, won't we just..." Sometimes you feel like the door is opening up just to get slammed back in your face. I think the safe thing is to just to not assume anything. Don't set yourself up for failure.

[sr9e2d7]

I spoke with my therapist this week who gave great advice. She said "suspend needing to know". Probably the hardest thing to do, but I'm going to to try so hard to just live in the present. I'm going to enjoy this gift of time. I spend too much time wondering if he's gonna come back or not.

[sr9e2d7]

So he's starting to waiver. He says he thinks about coming home but he's not sure if he's coming home for the right reasons. Like, does he just miss the comfort of home or does he want to be back with us. What do I say to that?

[roist]

I could be way of base here but I find it a little cheekyfor a WAS to leave and then assume they can come back whenever/if ever they choose. Following that logic, I would tell him to let you know when he knows what he wants and at that time YOU will decide if that is what you want.

I am not saying to slam the door shut but to take ownership of the door.
It is yours and you get to decide who can use it and when.

Until then try to refocus on you. Dwelling on this will nit help you. Plus it could take a long time.

Best wishes.

[JksD]

Validate and only validate. It seems that your H is still not quite there yet.

[1313]

sr9e2d7,
My thought is if you can get a coach - do it! Even one session would help you with what's going on as far as your WAS wanting to return.

Let's say he does. Then what? Things are the same? What's he going to do to change? What are you going to do?

It's great that you've disconnected and automatically done a lot of what DR is all about by simply living your life and letting him know what his life is like without you. But once back together, something has got to change. How to make a fresh beginning? Is he having a MLF? If so, things might not improve. You'll need to get to the root of his problem. So far you've been doing great, hang in there.