Blindsided and Lost

[LiM]

I know what you are going through Nate and it is horrible. No one should have to experience this and yet this is where we are at. All I can say is that you will survive this. It won't be pleasant but one way or the other, you will come out the other side.

You dont know if she will turn herself around or not. Thats not the purpose of detaching. The purpose of detaching is to take care or YOU no matter what happens. There is no guarantee that she will get her head out of her a$$. You have no control over her. The only thing you have control over is yourself. So put your focus there.
I will say that, as counter intuitive as it seems, detaching and moving on with your life is the BEST bet you have for saving your M. I have no doubt in that. Its worked and is working for me.
In order for things to turn around, the A has to end and she has to come out of the fog. She's got to experience some sort of pain or loss. She needs to see that she is losing you. When her world come crashing down around her, she needs to see that a new an improved Nate is still standing there. You won't be welcoming her back with open arms though. She's got to earn her way back. But I think you will know it when she hits rock bottom and the fog starts to clear. I wish I could tell you to look for x, y and z but everyone is different. Regardless, I think you will know it when you see it.

Piecing refers to piecing your M back together. That can start when your WW has hit rock bottom, begins to come out of the fog, realizes what she has done and begins to show remorse. At a bear minimum, you need to see genuine remorse before you can begin to work on piecing your M back together. I wouldnt even concern yourself with this at this point. You've got a ways to go and honestly, you dont know if you will ever get to this point. Its up to your WW on whether or not you get here. All you can do is take care of yourself and make sure you are the best Nate that you can be. Detach, 180 and GAL. That is your job right now. That is your best bet for being ready if she comes around.
I cried everyday for the first two months of our separation and I didnt even know that the A was still going on at that point. I honestly thought we were both "working" on our R. If I had know, I dont know how I would have made it. Crying is ok. Being emotional is ok. You are hurt. You should be angry and emotional. But do that when you are alone. Dont let her see that. Be confident and in charge when you are around her. Be a mans man! Dont let her see you being a door mat because thats not attractive to her. Spend all your time and energy working on you. Let her stew in the mess she created.