I am not a good negotiator at all. Especially since i feel a bit guilty for relationship demise. My mother was actually getting really upset when I told her I would go for consult with a mediator. She feels my husband has a way of making everyone feel sorry for him and doing what he wants. She is also justifiably mad at how he left walked away from his family and expected her and my father to support us.
Based on a couple of factors, I have to remember to not be a fool...
1. Husband would not give me child support. I asked him twice. Both times we fought. he used my asking for child support as the excuse that we would not go out together for a planned date. (This was really early after BD and I feel like he knew he was in advantage). He insisted that he would only pay if I game him itemized list of my expenditures. He felt that because I lived with my parents, I had no real expenditures. He also lived with his mom and had no expenditures either. I had to take him to court.
2. After he received the petition for court he told me he wanted to attempt a reconciliation. Obviously he never did.
3. While we were waiting to be called into court room, he was unaware that I had talked to attorney and knew what the laws were. He was acting like dividing extra expenditures like kids activities would be 50/50 and I knew the truth. He was talking like a con artist which really surprised me.
4. He went 4 months paying very little. No where near the percent required. i would estimate about 200/month if that. He earns 3 figures. judge had made error in his loss for 200 $. When we were in court room, he called her on it to correct it. I complained that he had not paid for all those other months and now he's fighting me over 200 dollars (which I knew did not matter, I just was annoyed) and then he got mad at me and said the fact that I brought that up makes it hard for him to want to reconcile.
5. He is very nice and cooperative when he wants something. (I hate people like that. Would rather they be nasty all the time). He was super nice before he asked me to file taxes jointly. (He is supposed to pay me what I would have received back). He was not cooperative when I asked him for favor with bringing son back later. Now he is very cooperative again regarding watching son when I am at work and my parents are vacationing.
6. 6 months before BD he was putting a lot of pressure for me to return to work full time. He was really nasty about it. Told me to "figure it out. Other people do it" when it was logistically disadvantageous. past year he was telling me if we were to reconcile I would have to work full time.
7. He lived with my parents for a year and had potential to save a lot of money. He says he did not. He refused to move out in apt to work on our marriage (we could have afforded it) unless I went back to work full time. lawyer thinks he had this planned for a while. I don't necessarily think that's true, but I think he was really with one foot out the door and had to have thought about the legal advantage.
