LBS back--piecing--but still regret not DB

[Phoebe]

Hi BluWave. I am so very glad that you decided to post your story. It really helps me for a lot of reasons.

First, to know that what I am going through isn't so unusual - 30 pounds of weight loss and all the anxiety and depression, etc... (I felt like I was reading my own story again!) I don't know why I find it comforting that my experience isn't unique, but I do, so thank you for sharing those details. It really helps.

Secondly, I really needed to hear from someone who's been there/done that, that all the energy I spend on him, parsing words in his emails, and trying to figure out what he's thinking is utterly wasted.

Thank you also for reminding me that I wouldn't want this new and "improved" jerk version of my H if I met him for the first time. Why on earth would I want him so badly now? I know that I really don't. I want the old H back, and my old M, and they are gone forever. Knowing something is truly gone seems like it may be easier. Maybe.

I do have a question for you. You mentioned that you were headed for a D during the year your H was gone, but did either of you ever actually initiate the process? Did you talk to lawyers? Were they able to give you any advice? How did you feel like you were able to protect yourself from the possibility of financial catastrophe? My H has been engaging in some very risky behavior. I worry that he is a liability to me if he were to go out and get himself into trouble. He's a very smart person, but he has done some incredibly stupid things.