Thanks for your repsonses and sharing of wisdom. I am not going to the in-laws for support. Like most, you hope that a stern talking to by mom or dad would do the trick, but in reality the W would see it as a violation of trust, would try to convince her parents she is right, etc. Not good. I realize that.
No, my W has never repented. I doubt she ever will until she can come to grips with some self-esteem, self-confidence and self-awareness issues.
I have read the link on boundaries. The boundary was not made lightly and I tried to state it as best I could about me. I didn't tell her she had to do it and even emphasized that this is her choice not mine. I stated it similar to this - You have told me that separation will give you time and space to figure out if reconciliation is possible. In my mind reconciliation is not possible if there is any communication with the EA, including a connection on FB. She bristled and I then stated, when I say reconciliation is not possible I mean I will file for D immediately.
I followed up with, "If you would like a few days to mull this over I'm okay with that and I will check back with you for your answer." She requested a few days, the FB friend was gone within 12 hours. I will ask her for her decision on Sunday.
I feel the boundary was clear and the consequence was clear. Will I follow through - Yes. I know others have differing view points and that is okay. I will no longer eat cr@p.
