I wanted to stop by and offer you some support. I have been following your sitch and my heart truly aches for you! I could have written these posts just a couple years ago. Minus the details, are sitches--mainly the anxiety and trauma--are very similar! When my H did this, I was SHOCKED and could not even wrap my head around how he was capable of this!
I fell hard and was a shell of a person; couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, was chronic anxious, and severly depressed. So when I read the threads and advise here, it made sense logistically, but I struggled to apply it to my everyday life. I blew it all the time and I was very hard on myself.
I don't have any magic answers for you and I don't know what your husband will do, but I'm going to tell you a few things I wish I could go back and tell my prior self.
1. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You are a wonderful person and beautiful woman who deserves love, respect, and compassion. H can't give that to you now. Give this to yourself and surround yourself with those that will. 2. Don't waste too much mental energy on H--trying to analyze his every move and intention, trying to DB so he will notice or miss you, or focusing on what may or may not happen. Sweetie, none of can predict what they will do. Let him go. I know it hurts terribly to hear that but it's all you can do. Remember your most confident, strong self? Would she hold on so tight to a man that would treat her this way? 3. Be careful with lawyers. You are extremely vulnerable and they know it. Even with the best intentions they can charge you many hundreds or thousands of dollars and the outcome may be the same. Find all the free advice you can and take all the time you need. 4. This is a very long and painful process. I promise you won't feel this way forever. Deep breathe. You will survive this war, that I can promise.
I believe in you, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
