LBS back--piecing--but still regret not DB

[Stormchaser]

Good advice, BluWave.

I DB, but not enough as well. I would block her texts, so this way I'd never know if she was trying to contact me. She'd text friends wondering why I'm not answering - when in fact I never got them. Then I'd unblock her, she'd send something, and I'd send 5 things right back - of course, with no answer on her end. She was taking the temperature.

She asked to move back home after 2 weeks. I should've said no. She wanted to work on the M. In hindsight, we probably needed more time away. I was afraid if I said no, she'd assume I don't want her back and not ask again. I was scared. Those first weeks back together were really bad. We weren't ready.

Its about 9 weeks since. I still get triggers and she HATES it. HATES that something will come up on TV and I have to change the channel, even though SHE was the one that had the A. She, for the most part, has moved on - although she has made amends and had an incredible amount of remorse (to the point of suicide).

What I wouldn't have done: Came to her rescue those 2 weeks she was gone. I should've gone completely dark those 2 weeks. Let her sit in it. She would text, begging me to help her. And I did. Maybe I scored brownie points helping her out, she did tell me if I didn't try to reconcile, that we'd probably be in a different place now, but who knows?

GAL is very important. I still wait for her to text me. Its painful to know she would have no problem texting OM, yet I'm on the back burner. However, when you GAL, you don't wait for those texts. You're too busy. And there are days when I DO get busy and don't reply to her, which I like. Helps with the esteem.