Wife wants to separate at end of school year # 2

[Bhuda1]

I know I have to follow that book and the DB techniques if I want to save my marriage.

As mentioned earlier, My separation is now inevitable. My wife opened my eyes to so many things that I have done that have led to our present sitch. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of the things I have done. All the choices, decisions and actions I made can be attributed to being ... I can't believe how selfish I have been and looking back I have to place 95% of the blame on myself. This has been a real eye opener.

I am still in conflict with what to do with our living arrangements. My heart says she should stay, be room mates and continue co-habitating for the sake of the children. My head says she must leave or the animosity and resentment will continue to fester.

Can an in House Separation truly work in my favour if I follow the DB"ing guidelines? Is there a DB'er who has succeeded in DB'ing with an in house separation? If so I would appreciate hearing from you. Let me know what works and what doesn't.

My eyes get watery every time I think of my children and how a separation may affect them. My older son internalizes everything and my youngest is very sensitive and full of emotion like me. On top of that, the youngest will be starting high school in the fall, The double whammy of newly separated parents along with the potential added stress of a new school could place so much pressure and pain on my child.

I get so angry at my wife, sometimes I think to myself that I want to be so difficult and stubborn and inflict hurt on her for placing me in this situation. I then realize, I have already inflicted so much pain on her that anything I do going forward would be a drop in the bucket.

I know she will bring up "Let's continue to be friends". My first thought on this is How can we be friends if, as she puts it, We have nothing in common? Once again I realize if we are not cordial, this will make the situation that much more difficult for our children.

I must detach, do a 180, get a life, set goals and become a better me. My physical transition is coming along. I am pumped when people notice my weight loss. More pumped when my wife commented on it. With the information provided in the DR book, my mental and emotional transition will follow.

I have never been more focused than I am now. When the bomb was dropped back in October of 2015, I went through the same feelings as I am now. Eventually the fear subsided and I really thought her feelings would change over time. That is why I strayed away from become a true DB'er. Again, because so many things have come easy for me I had the false impression that things would be OK. Boy was I wrong. I was living in a fantasy world. My wife is a strong woman. I know this decision did not come easy on her. I do know deep down she still loves me. The theme of our marriage was "today I am marrying my best friend" Time, stress, my actions and lack of communication has changed that. If it were to happen today the Theme would be Today I married an acquaintance.

I will be having a telephone coaching session. I pray with his advice and knowledge I can start to become a true Divorce Buster.

As always I welcome any advice and suggestions from the DB community.

Thank you