One thing to know about H is that he was guilt-ridden the entire time, during the EA and during the PA while he was gone. It always bothered him and he knew what he was doing was wrong. It also always bothered him that he never worked on us. He knew he owed it to me, the kids, and himself to at least try and he never did. That haunted him.
Things came crashing down for him. While he tried a few times to leave his A and come back, it didn't work. He was only doing it because it was the right thing to do, not because it was what he wanted. I heard a lot of BS about how unhappy he was for so long, how he never put his own needs first, and how he couldn't stay with me just for the kids, and on and on, he rewrote history to justify his actions.
But as this A went on, he realized he wasn't any happier with her. She also had some of the same complaints about him that I did. He was completely worn down living this life of shame and misery, seeing all the people he hurt, missing his "normal life' at home, and so when he realized he needed to work on this R with OW, it became clear to him that it was a mistake. Why would he work on it with her when he didn't with me?
At the same time, I was starting to get to a point where I was moving on. I was able to DB more often and I was really thinking about how to move forward without him. So he started temp checking! And once it started, the table turned and it was a matter of 1-2 weeks before he did a complete 180 and ended it all with her and was 100% committed to making us work. It happened very fast!
Now a year into piecing, I can say that I was so focused on how to win him back, that I lost myself and what I really want and deserve. That is why I am here.
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
