I am content, that is a blessing.......

[Irish M]

I don't even know if this is MLC he is going through. For all I know, he is just a selfish jerk.

I also believe, MLC or not, you must have a trait, an ability, to treat someone who loves you so terribly. I don't think it goes away. Do I want to stay married to someone like that???

Hi Mleigh

MLC is a weird thing. It makes them do a 180 and also treat us like they feel we should treat them. Projecting it onto you in a horrible way.

I too would love to say that my new STBXW is the real her and the old one I knew for 17 years was the impostor. I don't think that's the case in my situation or yours. I have to remind myself they are irrational and illogical. When i remind myself of that it helps me detach.

I am lucky in a way, mine is a runner. Seeing her pop her head out of her hole every 2-3 months.
Just try to avoid his drama. Don't let it get to you. laugh it off and walk away. Your letter pointed out so much but an irrational person it won't register.

Limbo is what you make of it.

Hugs

Irish

[mleigh4]

Hi Irish. Thank you for stopping by and trying to cheer me up. No, this is not my old H, but it's who I have been dealing with for 3 years and who knows how much longer he will be around. I don't like him. Can you tell?

I'm sorry guys. I know many of you have been rooting for me, seeing promise in H. Sure, he is a nice MLC'er, yet you should see how he attacks me behind the safety of his phone.

I don't want to discourage the newbies. Let me make it clear, I don't regret standing. I wouldn't change it. It is why I sleep so well at night. So don't give up without giving it your all!

I am just not in a good place right now, it's been coming. Let me clarify, I am good emotionally. Happy, strong, head held high. I am not in a good marriage place. H has entered a new level in my tolerance bucket, and it's not good.

I am pretty shut down but we shall see how all this interaction unfolds. Silence sounds pretty good right now.

PS. RIP Prince

[mleigh4]

Dang it. I meant

[HaWho]

Irish - very well said.

Oh Mleigh - just caught up on what's going on with you. Wow, you have been standing for almost 3 years. Kudos to you. Funny, when I first joined I remember reading your BD date and thinking: "well, I know I won't be here THAT long." And yet the sand just keeps dropping to the bottom of that MLC hourglass.

Personally, I wonder if the constant contact hasn't made me forget my old h faster than I would if he were a vanisher. I am so used to this version of h that when I see glimpses of old h that is what surprises me now. Kind of sad.

You have not let anyone down. Don't be ridiculous! You are an inspiration to us. You have traveled this road with grace and dignity.

[Tamjakr]

I look up to you so much! You have gone through what you've been going thru with dignity and grace! I inspire to be more like u! Love you friend!!

[2Times2Many]

M, I'm right there with you and have been at this for the same amount of time. I look at the person my h has become and realize I really don't like him. I said that to my IC a couple of months ago and she let out a breath, dropped her notepad in her lap and said, "I wondered when you would finally say that."

Don't feel for a minute that you've let anyone down or have been discouraging to newbies. You've been an inspiration to a lot of LBSs here.

In the end, if things don't work out, at least we know we gave it our all and we are better people for what we've learned about ourselves along the way.

We all really are pretty damn awesome and so are you!

I will say the same thing to you that I would say to my own D ... step back, take a breath and focus on what is best for you and your son. The answers will come.

[bttrfly]

wow. I guess I'm right where I'm supposed to be - in excellent company, as one of my first thoughts this morning was wondering whether H is in MLC or was he always like this and just pretending to be someone else for 26 years?

As for you, my girl ... you haven't let anyone down at all! The MLCer will try the patience of a saint. At some point I think we all say, "enough already!"

Honey, three years! that's a long time to be in limbo. I think you have done a remarkable job with this sitch. Give yourself a break. Breathe. Listen to Job and Irish. xoxoxo and have a hug from me xoxoxo

[mleigh4]

Hello my friends.

Thank you, for thinking of me, for not reminding me of what H is going through, and appreciating what I am going through. I am tired of putting myself aside for his issues.

Yes Bttrfly, I am taking many deep breaths. Breath and breath. Walking and yoga is in major effect! But honestly, I feel great. We are so busy at work and I kicked butt today! I went to a work function last night at a beautiful local winery and mingled, had a great time. I met a lady who makes healing jewelry for specific issues, can't wait to check out her website.

H has not defined my happiness for a long time. However, my hope always kept me tied to him. That is a problem.

I have a lot to say, a lot to share, a new state of mind I have reached, but I am going to sit on it for a bit, let it settle and make sure my emotions are not taking charge.

I love you guys, don't know what I would do without you.

Tamjkr, love you too, my friend of 30 years. Yikes! I will check in with you on Facebook.

[HaWho]

Go Mleigh go!!!

[BrightFuture]

Mleigh, I hear you. I’ve been here 3 + years, and coming up to 4th anniversary of BD in a couple of months.

HaWho, I didn’t think I would be here for so long either. I have a “nice” MLCer too, and this could be a problem.

Mleigh, you gave you H a lot of time to figure himself out, and he still not close to be done. I don’t blame you for losing the patience and wanting to finally move on. I completely understand what you saying about him not making any decision and that eventually you will need to make it for him and for you. I am on the same boat. My H is not making any moves towards the D. I actually think that he’s been super nice because he doesn’t want me to make any moves either. Well… at some point I will need to do it.

I think you did great in these text exchanges with your H. I guess it comes the time when we need to shake a boat to see if things will just naturally fall out of it.