Wife files divorce after I confronted her 2nd EA

[CWOL]

I'm still waking up 3-4 times every night. I usually have vivid dreams then when I wake up lying in bed trying to go back to sleep, I have a lot of dark thoughts and self-doubt.

How could she manipulate me for 18 years, at least 9 communicating with OM behind my back?
How could I have been such a fool to not look at her phone earlier in the marriage, when she had an EA already? I'm the one that set up her phone in the first place!
How can the laws be so screwed up as to punish the LBH by garnishing 1/2 his paycheck, when he's not the one to stray from his marriage contract?
How could she not understand how much she is hurting me, after all the things we've been through for 18 years?

I just want to scream, ahhh! I have a strong desire to punish her but there is nothing I can do. In fact, she seems to be relish her soon-to-be-freedom. With the D proceedings, almost every step of the way I am being lashed by the laws, whether it's calculating her support, garnishing my paychecks, etc.

I know the solution is to detach but it is so hard at 3 AM. So many irrational thoughts. My AD doesn't seem to help with these.