14 days of sheer hell continues

[DDJ]

As for what i did wrong in our marriage, I know what I did, I did it everyday but i never realised the impact it would have...

1 - My W loved attention, she craved it and i gave it in abundance in the first 4 years, she was a size 6, but went all the way to a size 12 by the time we got married. I even commented on her weight on our honeymoon cruise. I could not look at her body - she was not perfect anymore. I am shallow. Many guys would comment at how great she looked, why couldn't her H appreciate her for her?

2 - Part of the attention was her just talking and rambling on about nothing. I used to listen attentively and loved the nonsense, since i'm highly analytical. Then i got tired, when i got into bed, i rolled over and went to sleep. She loved talking before going to sleep. i just didn't care.

3 - I see myself as an over-achiever, big ego, and have a wife that just wants to achieve, smaller ego. But i created a monster by trying to elevate her to my level, instead of letting her be herself. i wanted someone else, and lost my respect for her. Why can't she be like me, have a plan, do something with her life? But that's me. My W is a simple girl from a rural area, thats why i fell in love with her - she was my exact opposite (i'm tearing up as i type this).

4 - I consciously kept her insecure from day 1. Always commenting on how pretty other girls are. Thinking that if she thought i'd leave, she'd hold on tighter. It definitely worked, until she realised that she could hold onto someone else, and did not need me.

This is the first time that i have consciously stated what i've always been thinking.

I don't want to lose my WW / W, i want her back, but I am willing to lose her as a last resort, in an attempt to get her back!