Headed for D - Trying to move on

[J5K]

So had a DB coaching session this morning.

I told DB coach that I was conflicted on the R that I will have with STBXW and the issue of custody and where the boys will live.

He asked if I would be accepting of only being a dad for 60 overnights a year and of W possibly having another OM to help her raise the boys. Of course my answer was no.

I stated that since we are heading for D, W needs to understand reality and that she needs to work. He said that if I made statements like this to W that I am contributing to a negative R with her.

He reminded me that I agreed with W that I would work and she would be the SAHM. He also highlighted that prior to adopting the S6 and S2 that I made the statement that 80 to 90% of the workload falls on her which she has taken responsibility for and handled.

His assessment is that now I am creating a negative relationship by wanting to have custody of the boys and going back on my word of moving to Toronto and having her be the SAHM.

He also stated that she will not see that I am actually remorseful about me filing for D first if I don't take responsibility for my knee jerk reaction (which I admit it was). (ie; accepting my mistake and the consequence of her moving and raising the boys).

He also stated that I would look heroic to my boys if I accepted my mistake and accepted the consequence. I would be the kind and giving person that my W initially fell in love with and help build a better co-parenting relationship.

W did do a lot of things with respect to raising the boys and did a good job, but I also did what was asked when I was not working. Guess my past actions mean nothing when they were positive.